We are old, quitting the blog

kerry: i had like five beers
the night before
granted, five is significant
but usually i can SHAKE THAT SHIT OFF
you know i sleep in, have some water
eat something greasy
but i was DEAD
the whole DAY
i had to call my mom and be like "SORRY MA"
"MISSING THE BBQ"
she was like "I R ASHAMED"
me: hriprhipehtiapiaetpiea
kerry: at one point i tried to get up and eat something
I ALMOST COLLAPSED
aklsjdflajksfd;jasfda
me: i need to look up what causes varicose veins
because this is really freakin me out
kerry: yeah what IS it
uhhh
Varicose veins develop when you have faulty valves in your veins and weakened vein walls.
COMPRESSION STOCKINGS
me: ugwougrwR
I AM READIN THAT
also it says
ITS THE BLOOD POOLING THERE
GOD THIS MAKES ME WANT TO DIE
I FEEL LIKE DYING
kerry: got to get yr ass some support hose
yeah but you know what
you just have the LITTLE ONES
those don't even COUNT
me: I HAVE ONE BIG ONE
THERE'S THIS THING ON THE BACK OF MY LEG
IT LOOKS LIKE A BRUISE
AND I KEPT BEING LIKE "SHOULD I BE CONCERNED THAT I HAVE HAD THIS BRUISE FOR A MONTH +"
AND THEN I WAS LIKE
"OMG THAT'S A VARICOSE VEIN!"
kerry: gahhhh
me: I JUST FEEL LIKE PUKING
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO AGE GRACEFULLY
BUT KERRY I DON'T WANT TO BE AN OLD HAG
kerry: aklsgjdakl;sdfhasd
you won't be!
me: ALSO ANDY WAS LIKE
"OH YOU'RE JUST BEING HYPOCHONDRIAC" ABOUT THE CARPAL TUNNEL
BUT MY WRISTS HURT!!
kerry: ???!!!!
UM
PROB NOT
CONSIDERING YOUR LINE OF WORK
me: LAST NIGHT I HAD TO HOLD MY HAND
OVER THE POT OF SPAGHETTI
WHILE IT WAS STEAMING
kerry: !!!!!!!!!
me: THE MUSCLES WERE ALL TENSE
kerry: SPAGHETTI THERAPY
SPAGHERAPY
me: AEHTIHEPIAHTE
kerry: fadsjasdjf;aklsfdas
me: IEAPITAPHTHAT
OMG LOL
kerry: asfjdlasjdfljasd
HEHEHEHE
me: KERRY I JUST WANT TO DIE
kerry: NO DON'T
me: I'M FORWARDING YOU SOMETHING
COURTESY OF CAROLE


kerry: CHOOZ LYFE
me: OMG REMEMBER:
CHOOSE LIFE
APIHTPHEATIHAE
kerry: YES
OF COURSE I DO
REMEMBER YOUR CHEAT SWEATSHIRT
me: !!!!!!!YES
kerry: ASLJDAL:KJSJAS
me: WONDER WHERE THAT GOT OFF TO
kerry: JUST THINK ABOUT THE CHEAT
me: I FELT LIKE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN THE WORLD
WHEN I WORE THAT
kerry: LOLLLL
AND YOU WERE
me: EIHAEHIPTA
kerry: THE CHEAT IS NOT DEAD
me: I THINK I NEED TO QUIT THE BLOG
kerry: CAN'T WE JUST LET IT GO DEFUNCT
me: YES I THINK WE SHOULD
kerry: MAYBE WE SHOULD DO LIKE A "GOIN ON HIATUS!" MSG
"HIATUS 4 LYFE"
me: HAHAH WOULD IT BE MORE GRACEFUL
TO JUST FADE OUT
kerry: maybe we should just post this conversation
me: PIPIHAETPATE
I WANT TO PUT IN THE PART
ABOUT HOW I HAD A CHEAT SWEATSHIRT
kerry: UM YEAH
DUH
me: OK I'LL WORK SOMETHING UP
kerry: maybe we should take a pic of a gravestone
me: OR JUST USE ONE
FROM THE INTERNET
kerry: and MS paint the word "TEH BLOG" onto it
me: UM OK
kerry: ahhaha NO THAT'S WHAT I MEANT
LIKE PROCURE A PIC OF A TOMBSTONE
me: AS IF WE WOULD
GO TO THE CEMETARY
kerry: god carole loves that fucking clown emoticon, huh
CLOWNMOTICON
me: ITS THE ONLY ONE
SHE USES

This is basically a blog of only Blingees now

Current Events Blingee:

Shortly after joining the U.S. Senate and while enjoying a surge in income, Barack Obama bought a $1.65 million restored Georgian mansion in an upscale Chicago neighborhood. To finance the purchase, he secured a $1.32 million loan from Northern Trust in Illinois.

The freshman Democratic senator received a discount. He locked in an interest rate of 5.625 percent on the 30-year fixed-rate mortgage, below the average for such loans at the time in Chicago. The loan was unusually large, known in banker lingo as a "super super jumbo." Obama paid no origination fee or discount points, as some consumers do to reduce their interest rates. (Obama Got Discount on Home Loan).

Dear Barack Obama

Maybe before you send me an email you could think to yourself, "Is this really important?" and if it isn't don't send it. For example, that video about your decision not to take the public funding for your campaign? I'm not checking my email in the middle of the night, Barack. I heard about that decision on the morning news, approximately two hours before I even got to work! Things are getting kind of out of control in my inbox, and let's face it, we both know you are to blame.

Current Events Blingee

Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe is officially sworn in as president after a sharply Criticized runoff vote that was boycotted by his only rival, Morgan Tsvangirai.
(Zimbabwe Officials Reject Criticism at Summit.)

Ask a Grandmother

Things my grandmother does not approve of:

• Britney Spears and Jamie Lynn Spears.
• People who entered into subprime mortgages.
• Women who dye their hair blonde, then let their roots grow out (??).

Happy 94th Birthday, Grandmother!!

STOP TAKING MY LIFE

Kerry alerted me to the fact that some Gawker commenter is LIVING THE SAME LIFE AS ME. He/she writes in a post about actors getting fat:

I haven't been able to look the same at Clooney since those 30 pounds. I think it had to do with the fact that he looked EXACTLY LIKE MY DAD. Now when a dated daydream flits to the surface, I flinch.

Kerry suggests that perhaps George Clooney fat just happens to look like a lot of dads. I think: STOP COPYING ME. I told Kerry that fat George Clooney looked exactly like my dad and how it made me have strange feelings towards him when that freaking movie came out. I WAS FIRST.

Phenom: New Blog Name

We're not going to lie to you, readers. Things are not good with us. You may have noticed a lack of posts, you may have even commented to that effect. Anyway, I'd like to take you back to simpler blog times. Long, long ago, Kerry and I started suggesting new blog names to each other. Eventually I started saving them in an email entitled, "Things we want to change the blog's name to." What follows is a compilation. New blog names are in italics. Most are provided with some context.

kerry: NEW BLOG NAME: ME-OW


kerry: OH MAN
NEW NAME 4 THA BLOG
TOO PO' FO' MO' ANIMALS

kerry: SJKDLFJ;ADSJF;AJSD;S
A
COME HERE YOU LIL HIGGA JIGGLE
NEW BLOG NAME
me: KERRY HIGGA JIGGLE [kerry's last name]
kerry: NEW DOG/BLOG NAME
AJSFDLKJASLJASDA


me: CHIPMUNKS SAYIN DIRTY THANGS
kerry: jfasdklfj;lasjkd;fjka LOL
NEW BLOG NAME
*NEW BLOG NAME(
DAMN IT


kerry: GOD HE'S THE FUCKING BEST
can we change our blog to a blog about [Bill] richardson
Richardson Watch


me: AREN'T YOU JUST THE QUIRKIEST
kerry: HAHHAHA
LOL
NEW BLOG NAME


kerry: hahahhaha
WELL
AREN'T YOU THE BLOGGER ABOUT TOWN
me: ahhahah sorry
kerry: aahah no i'm just playin
i just wanted to use the phrase "blogger about town"
me: eahtpeaihtpaeiht
i know
kerry: dare i say
NEW BLOG NAME


kerry: Thou Shalt Have Donutz
NEW BLOG NAME
NEW FUCKING BLOG NAME
THOU SHALT HAVE DONUTZ
I'M LOLING SO BAD
THE LOLZ


kerry: NEW BLOG NAME
me: PEATPIEAHTEA
kerry: 2 MANY BEEGES


kerry: WHEN YOU FALL OFF THE BLOGGIN WAGON
BLOGGIN WAGGIN
me: hieahtea
NEW BLOG NAME
NEWWW BLOGGG NAMEEEE


kerry: RICH PRODUCTS IS RUNAWAY BRIDGE
ASKDLF;ASKLF
me: tiehatpiehtapieat
runaway bridge is our new life motto
those two words
have officially lost all meaning
ALSO NEW BLOG NAME

I have a big bug bite on my foot today.

A REALLY BIG ONE.

For Your Consideration

Today it occurred to me: it's 2008, we're well into the new millennium, and people are still saying "surfing the internet." Specifically, I said it this morning, when I told Kerry that drinking my coffee makes me "Surf the internet faster." There has to be a better way.

Kerry proposes, "Webbin' it," or "Webbin' it up," both of which I find acceptable.

Thoughts? Suggestions? You know what to do.